Once, I woke up in tears and felt a deep pain in my chest because of the thought that I’d always be missing half of me - my father (the other half would be my mother.) I’m exactly where I want to be at this stage of life - there’s not much for me to worry about.īut, in the background, I’m still working through the lasting impact of growing up with an absent father. I’m in a happy relationship now, and I have all the security and love I ever need. I’m proud that I was able t o become sec urely attached and meet my own needs.īut, when I watched those “How to Dad” videos, I can’t deny that, for a second, I was hit by a wave of resentment for having had to “heal” in the first place, thinking it wasn’t my fault but I didn’t have any other choices. However, when it was no longer safe and my future looked bleak, I had to save myself.ĭon’t get me wrong - my healing journey was incredibly rewarding. It was painful, but at least it was safe. They took control over my life and led me to create a reality that reinforced all my negative beliefs about myself. I could see the best in me, but I wasn’t able to be my best because my emotional issues were holding me back. I never knew what it was like to have a trustworthy male figure in my life, and so I filled it with what I knew best: anxiety and abandonment.įor a long time, I felt disappointed, frustrated, and helpless. My childhood felt like a long, silent cry while my early twenties were spent desperately looking for security and love in all the wrong places. See, I grew up with an absent father, which affected my life in more ways than I could understand. I wouldn’t have had to grieve my past self, process my traumas in silence, and watch out for myself as though my life depended on it. I wouldn’t have sold myself so short that I lost myself completely. I wouldn’t have wasted so much time entertaining toxic people. I would be recalling my past fondly instead of having a hard time dealing with traumatising memories. I could have avoided many painful experiences. If I had a present and loving father growing up, there’s no doubt that I would have gone through my early twenties very differently. I feel like if I had a dad like him growing up, I would have turned out so differently.” These girls are going to grow up to be some of the nicest and funniest people ever, he is such a good dad. They either wanted to have a father like him, be a father like him, or find a partner like him.Ī user said: “Coming from someone who grew up with no dad, I was sobbing at this video. In the comment section, many people gushed about his “done-right” parenting. I was supposed to laugh at his videos - they’re very funny, but I burst into tears instead.Īpparently, I wasn’t the only one. His three daughters appear happy, healthy, and wholesome. While his how-to guides are mostly for fun, it’s clear that Jordan is a present and loving father. Jordan Watson is a content creator from New Zealand who makes videos about his “dad-ding” journey. Yesterday, I clicked on a recommended Youtube video about babies, which caused me to binge on the How to Dad channel. Even though I don’t want to think about the pain of childbirth, I love the idea of having my own family if possible. Since getting engaged, my partner and I have talked quite a bit about having children.Īt 26, I definitely feel the maternal instinct to care for another being other than myself.
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